Life Lessons for Mother's Day

It seems to me that motherhood is a series of life lessons.

Some are learned from friends and books, the internet and Family Circle (or other such in-depth and enlightening periodicals!). Some of the more testing lessons are learned whilst flying by the seat of our pants, with on-the-job training supplied by our master teachers — the children.

Some of the most important lessons and tips I have learned over the years, though, are from the more “age-perfected” mothers in my life.

They have struggled through divorces and heartaches, deaths and partings… and a few have even sailed through long, long marriages and still seem to be smiling. A miracle in itself. Say no more!

My Mama, Min

My mama, Min — who I might add has been a single mum since I was four years old and managed to raise two fairly sane human beings — has always been a great inspiration to me.

Her most heeded advice (for stay-at-home mums) has been to always, always have a little bit of your own money. Whether from a part-time job, a hobby, or from a very generous husband (who shall not be named… thanks, Dude!) who flings a certain amount into your account each month.

This gives you the guilt-free freedom and pleasure of buying clothes, cosmetics, small treats, art supplies… or furniture (LOL!) when you want — no questions asked.

• Never talk about family and friends behind their backs — it’s not fair. Their ears will burn, and no one likes burnt ears.
• Always maintain a healthy friendship with your ex-husband (thankfully I don’t have one of those!). Supposedly dysfunctional families can be highly functional with a little give and take. I can assure you — this one works. Mum and Dad are still friends nearly 40 years later, and we have spent countless Christmases sharing our table with both of them… and their partners. It’s normal.
• Always, always have a cat. They offer companionship, unconditional love, and routine — often when life feels anything but.
• You are never too old to learn a new skill or develop a new passion. Have interests away from your children.
• Dance — and dance often — for fitness, health, and a brilliant social life. Seriously, Min puts ours to shame.
• Always buy two if you find something good — especially shoes. This way, you’ll never face the disappointment of wearing them out.
• Never, ever wear chipped nail polish. And whilst we’re on the subject — make sure it’s the brightest red or pink that money can buy. Gently teach this vital lesson to your four granddaughters.
• Travel — especially to Italy and Switzerland. There is nothing wrong with returning to a favourite destination a zillion times if it fills you with joy… especially if it involves gelato and promenading around Lake Como.
• Don’t save the best crystal, china, or linen — use it every day. Treasure your heirlooms, don’t hide them away. Teach the stories behind them. Family memories shouldn’t get lost between generations.

My Grandma, Mutti

• Find beauty in the little things — flowers in an old vase, fruit in a bowl found at a flea market in Italy.
• Fill your home with treasures collected from travels, especially from places off the beaten track.
• Love God. Make Him a big part of your life. He will keep you safe and teach you not to fear.
• Look forward to seeing your loved ones again in heaven.
• Buy dogs for the Carmelite nuns… then spend years writing on behalf of your dogs to the nuns’ dogs — who always reply. It’s amazing what a dog living in an enclosed nunnery can write about.
• Travel — the world is an extraordinary place waiting to be discovered.
• Eat an orange every morning, and always make a proper meal with lots of vegetables each night… even when it’s just you, for 20 very long years.
• Always have a dog — preferably with a human name like Mr Mitchell, Franco, Susannah, or Tracey.
• Dogs will keep you walking well into your 80s.
• Red Zimmer frames do go faster.
• And when not using your Zimmer frame, drive your red Fiat 124 sports car to the shops daily. It doesn’t matter if you don’t take it out of second gear — just use it.
• Say “shit” loudly and often. Other words simply don’t carry the same element of surprise when delivered by a beautiful, elegant, grey-haired woman.

My Mother-in-Law, Bitty

• Soup is the way to a man’s heart. Any kind — except cold soup. Cold soup just doesn’t cut it.
• Count to ten. If that doesn’t work, count to twenty… you get the picture.
• Travel — it’s good for the bones and gets you out of chilly Scotland.
• Embrace life in your later years. Move in with your family, help raise your grandson, and do it all with patience and good humour.
• Buy your grandson a puppy… and accept that even the old and wise make mistakes. Puppies and six-year-old boys together are very mischievous.

And then there’s Bubbles

• Be bubbly by name and by nature. Laugh often, loudly, and without hesitation.
• Be silly. Be joyful. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
• Show genuine interest in others — ask questions, listen, and be excited by their lives.
• Email your best friend daily. Friendship can last over 40 years — even across continents.
• And if possible, promenade around Lake Como together with a gelato at least once a year.

And now… my turn

• Always have a fur child (or two… or three). Preferably dogs.
• If you have cats, accept that couches and armchairs are simply scratching posts.
• Buy your children real art materials. Skip the student-grade stuff. If you’re going to spend hours in the studio, you may as well have them painting alongside you. One day you might even exhibit together… or at the very least, you’ll have backup paint supplies.
• Try to ensure at least one of your daughters has the same shoe size as you. It justifies buying the good shoes — they’ll get twice the wear.
• Just remember: your wardrobe becomes theirs… theirs does not become yours. (Mutton dressed as lamb and all that.)
• If your husband has a love (apart from you), like a boat — learn to enjoy it with him. Fake it ’til you make it.

And that’s my take on life, as I know it.

Happy Mother’s Day — especially to the wonderfully “age-perfected” mothers who have meant so much to me.

x Mia