Ramblings. Slipping from 'the zone' to 'crazed'.

Oh boy…what is it with the months of November and December? I seem to have slipped from relaxed, organised, in the zone artist, to crazed, "whats with all the dates in my diary?", non painter. It seems that the inevitable juggle that is motherhood and creativity is clashing once again. I've been blogging about my art journey for nearly two years now. Mostly the chat is about art and photography, latest paintings and photography shoots but every now and then, I find myself swaying into ramblings about motherhood. Forgive me. If you have been following me for a while now, you will have noticed, I often have a struggle when it comes to balance. The balance (and priority) of being the Mum that my kids look forward to seeing at the end of their day, non frazzled, fair and available, and yet, staying true to myself and keeping the space I need to find fulfilment with creative work, my painting and photography. Whether you are a stay at home mum or a full-time paid worker, carving out time for 'ME' is a necessary juggle. (As it is for the Dads too…but thats a whole other blog post!) I've had this 'to work or not to work' conversation three times this week, with various girlfriends, all looking for their little patch of fulfilment versus helping out with finances or maintaining a career. You'd think in this day and age we would have started getting it right, but it's just so hard at times. Being a mum is so rewarding….yet… we need more than just being a mum with a clean house and cupcakes on the counter. I feel so blessed and grateful that Dudie works his butt off for our family and that I have had a choice in staying home with the girls all these years. The girls have certainly flourished for this commitment to them, but if I wasn't fulfilling my own needs and wants and only running after their every whim, they would be growing into spoilt, entitled, its all about me adults and not learning the true value of doing something that brings meaning and joy each day. There has been ALOT going on over the last few weeks and its only getting busier as we head into the silly season. The constant checking of the days agenda, the list making, the running around organising this and that. We've had a sick cat, a room renovation, broken plumbing, a business needing attention, year 11 exams, year 11 art shows, extra dance rehearsals, a 13th birthday. Christmas is nearly here and holidays needing planning. The annoying emotion of anxiety that accompanies all this busyness, gets me every time. Art gets shoved aside, creative projects get the ol heave ho…stress takes over. I have to stop. I have to breathe. I have to tackle each…day…as…it…comes. Today I write… and supervise the plumber! Today is all I am focussing on. It will all get done. It always does…but without the worry. I'm over that pesky little emotion. How do you get the balance right? Mindfullness? Prayer? A cleaning lady? Alcohol!! Enough of all that woe is me stuff…how good are Bel's year 11, final artworks?? This amazing talent is there because of all the hours she has watched me beavering away at my art and showing her how wonderful is is to be fulfilled by a creative life. She's amazing! 16 years old and so, so capable. And she can do physics and advanced maths. I'd say she has a Leonardo da Vinci brain. She uses both her left and right hemispheres very successfully…unlike her mother. I still can't add up. The thought process behind this piece is - "identity". In a nutshell... Grandma's hands - 'the Memory Keeper', done in pencil on paper, as pencil can be easily erased and rubbed out, just as memories can be lost as well. Grandma's hands are gently rested, as happens with age, acceptance and length of time. She holds the memories of generations. Mum's (mine) hands - 'Keeper of the moment' - pen on wood, symbolising the strength of the present, the solidity of the mother in a family, hands clasping tightly to the present moment and not wanting it to ever change. Little sister's hands - 'The future is in these hands' watercolour pencil on paper - symbolising the excitement , colour and joy of youth and the openness of the hands portraying the unknown of the future…the future can be all enjoyment and brightness or just like watercolour pencils, dulled, washed away, rubbed out and lost. The hope is in these hands. Wowsers! So very, very proud of her achievements. 95% grade for this piece and 100% for her final folio. Gotta be happy with that! Lets hope the rest of her exams this week go as well. Wishing you all deep breathing and watercolour pencil hands in your week... Mia x